First off, there are no photos with this post because taking pictures at Newark could quickly result in someone trying to fight you.

My hatred for Newark’s Liberty Airport is not a well-kept secret. And yet somehow, amazingly, it continues to find new ways to disappoint me. I had just finished recurrent training in the simulator in Salt Lake and was looking forward to finally relaxing for a couple weeks. The LAX to Newark routes are popular once again (yes even during a pandemic), but I was able to secure a decent seat on JetBlue. We departed close to on time and were on our way. For reasons that defy logic, Newark has decided to close down all except one of its runways at the peak of summer travel. On a “good” day, Newark was very bad at handling any sort of weather or delays, and now they only have one runway. About 5.5 hours later as we descended into Newark, the captain announced we were diverting to Albany of all places. The captain implied that this was a recurring issue, and that the Newark controllers would just keep people in a holding pattern with little urgency until they ran out of fuel and options.

We were eventually fueled in Albany, but Newark initiated a ground stop that would prevent any aircraft from heading in that direction. They claimed it was due to weather. There was no weather. It wasn’t until three hours later that we finally got cleared to takeoff toward Newark. After landing, we then waited 90 minutes for a gate, at which point the passengers who were primarily from New Jersey became quite agitated (more than they normally are). The lady next to me started yelling at the flight attendant, as another woman with cigarette in hand (it’s best to be prepared), kept muttering profanity loudly. I was fearful that a news-worthy incident was about to occur and that Jersey fists would soon be flying and slides deploying. I was very much on edge. Luckily our gate opened up just before the boiling point. I exited the plane only to be funneled into a three foot wide hallway, the kind of airport design detail that is perfect during a pandemic. After some slow shuffling, I made it to an exit and freedom, albeit New Jersey.

Less than 48 hours later . . . Nicole and I headed back to this beloved airport in hopes of catching a flight to Amsterdam, only to be shuffled between three different check-in areas, each time told we were in the wrong line with a certain tact and “friendly” demeanor that can only be found in the Garden State. When we eventually got up to the counter, which was just a self-check kiosk with no agent, we waited for an agent to check our paperwork. She eventually found us, looked at our vaccination cards and then asked about our travel declaration forms. This was not really an up-to-date request, since these forms have not been updated since more than a year ago when Americans couldn’t even travel to Europe. Furthermore, nobody in the Netherlands actually checks them, so it’s kind of a pointless step. She referred us to a link that was, no exaggeration, about 80 characters long. Nicole got to it before me, but it wasn’t a huge help. We had to download a PDF that neither of us could edit on our phones. They rolled their eyes at us when we said we would need paper forms as if it was the first time this has ever happened.

By the time we received the forms (15 mins later) and filled out the paperwork (10 seconds later), the agent was gone, and when we tried to check in again, we were told it wasn’t authorized because now our flight was departing within the hour. Nicole then explained to the two new agents in the area that we had already started the process a while back, well before the hour mark, and Nicole gestured to the woman who had helped us. That woman then came over to start a fight over an issue that never existed by exclaiming, “You don’t blame me! This is your fault not mine!, don’t you get in my face!” We checked our locations. Neither of us were in her face, nor even blaming her. Miraculously, the other two agents were able to process our tickets and we went to security.

At most airports, TSA Pre-Check grants you a certain efficiency and speed over the average traveler. At Newark, any sort of advantage is lost by the fact that new lanes open and close faster than a ticket agent can blame you for a problem that never existed. That may sound like a good thing, but more often than not, people who were three lanes behind you in the queue are now inexplicably ahead of you, sometimes having not even started in the pre-check line to begin with. In a shocking twist, TSA were the friendliest people in the airport today. We hurried to the gate where we were granted seats and immediately boarded the plane, a mere 20 minutes before it was scheduled to depart. We had left for the airport two hours prior.

In conclusion, don’t be fooled by the construction projects or airport “improvements” taking place. Newark has been and will always be one of the worst airports in the world. The air movement was very lacking in the terminal, which didn’t help anything. When everyone is hot and sweaty, they become even more irritable, but this is all part of the experience. Anyone telling you that Newark “isn’t that bad,” has never actually been there.